Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Song Titles, Before Editing for Language Efficiency and Clarity [McSweeney's]

My favorites:
"Up There, Where the Clouds Are, Is Lucy, With Her Precious Carbon-Based Gemstones That Required Extreme Pressure and Temperatures of More Than 2,192 Degrees Fahrenheit to Become What They Are"

"Baby, You Hit Me Once, and When You Did, All I Could Think Was That I Would Relish Your Doing It Once More"


At 3:57 PM, May 11, 2005, Blogger Bill said...

My brothers, some friends and I have wasted an enormous amount of time and energy on this sort of thing over the years. See:


Some of our They Might Be Giants variations:

-- They Purport to Be Giants
-- For All Practical Purposes, They're Giants
-- Just for the Sake of Argument, Let's Assume They're Giants
-- Correct Me if I'm Wrong, but I Believe They're Giants
-- Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, They're Giants
-- They Might Not Be Giants, but They Look Awfully Big to Me
-- Reasonable Men Will Differ, but I Believe They're Giants
-- They May Not Be Technically, but as Far as I'm Concerned They're Giants
-- They Might as Well Be Giants
-- Call 'Em What You Will, But I Say They're Giants
-- I Believe They Fulfill the Requirements Necessary to Be Considered Giants
-- If for Any Reason the Real Giants Are Unable to Fulfill Their Duties, These Guys Will Step In
-- There Is a Significant Possibility That the Individuals Here Mentioned May Be Considerably Above Average in Height and Weight

At 4:22 PM, May 11, 2005, Blogger Nicole said...

Oh, those last two are certainly my faves. Love it!

At 9:47 PM, May 12, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Years ago, Spy magazine ran a feature called "Name That Tune, Mr. Spock," that featured gems like "She Purchases a Terraced Incline Leading to a Mythical Paradise" and (my favorite) "I Forbid You to Allow a Celestial Sphere of Burning Gases to Commit an Act of Fellatio Upon My Person" -- for "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," of course.
-- EMorse, TCE

At 10:41 PM, May 12, 2005, Blogger Nicole said...

Loved this so much that I tracked the feature down on another site:

1. This celebratory gathering occurs at my behest and I shall be lachrymose if it so befits me.
2. She chooses to purchase a terraced incline directed toward a postlife paradisiacal region.
3. I request that you prevent a large, glowing orb consisting of incandescent gas from committing fellatio upon my person.
4. The leather coverings now encasing my pedal extremities have been manufactured for the specific purpose of ambulatory forward motion.
5. Allow me the honour of portraying for you a miniaturized representation of a member of the family Ursidæ of the order Carnivora.
6. Adieu, jaundiced vehicular pathway consisting of blocks of baked clay.
7. You provide illumination for the period of time delimited by my nativity and the complete cessation of my metabolic functions.
8. And we will engage in much jubilant activity until such time as the male parent chooses to repossess her vehicle of motorized transport.
9. The deity had little or nothing to do with the manufacture of minuscule viridescent seed-bearing fruits.
10. Expresses deep affection toward yours truly in the manner of a hardened igneous object.
11. Please remove yourself from the immediate vicinity of my visible collection of minute water particles, Dr. McCoy.


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